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Entry for May 24, 2009

~~cocking my head to the side.. listening for the sounds of my wolf padding across the floor~~ sigh.. nothing.. today I have had my first day out of contact with my wolf.. I’m drained from the water park. I was trying to do some laundry but I keep falling asleep. I’ve tried the usual methods.. instant messanges and phone.. but no wolf…the Master is on the couch watching a documentary on 9/11. Not my cup of tea.. not what I want to watch.. so I sit here reaching out.. a little kiss here.. a peek at his blog there…yawn what a good time we had though. I just hate that post water completely drained feeling.. like when you come home from the beach and fall over…there is so much to do and I feel like I can do none of it.. yawn..oh to just curl up in bed with my wolf’s body against my back..just to sleep and wake up refreshed.. hmmm

My brain hurts

why do I torment myself so much? I’m tired of thinking.. I want action…I want results.. why can’t I hit the lottery and buy a few acres and build high fences.. let in the fun people.. kick the no fun people’s asses.. just an odd day… party tonight that I’m not ready for.. but tomorrow I’m staying home and working on a few things.. I’ll rest then…

Entry for May 20, 2009

The No Doubt concert last night was fantastic. My oldest friend came down and took me to a nice dinner.. bought me drinks at the bar.. had some good conversations..and then we went to the show.. we skipped most of the opening act in favor of good times together.. unfortunately the Savemart center was packed to the roof and hot.. no circulation and I think Paramour has a smoke machine or something running because there was a fog as soon as we walked in the door.. we got a couple more drinks and finally found our seats.. they were good seats but in a screwy numbered section..the music was good and the show rocked.. the only draw back was when we were walking around in between the acts.. some bitch dumped a beer down the back of my shirt cause she was sloppy drunk and rammed into me.. her friend was very apologetic and such but she just kept walking.. if you can’t handle your liquor and maintain stop fucking drinking.. we left the show with one or two more songs left because Amanda had a hour and a half ride home and work the next day.. I wasn’t feeling so well myself.. I had eaten and all so it wasn’t my blood sugar but probably a combination of the heat and 48 hours with no sleep… once we got to the top Amanda was concerned because she said my lips were blue. I was a little wobbly on my feet and had to lean against the wall a couple times.. but I just kept chugging water and by the time we got all the way around to the exit by our car I was much better.. back to being pink…we headed for my house and she jumped in her car and took off. I got online in spite of exhaustion looking for my wolf. It was good to see his face and talk to him for a few minutes. I was hoping for a little sweet talk and such because I was feeling good with a nice buzz but the vibe was off or I was too tired or something. I know his teeth have been hurting him and dealing with the CA DMV is a bitch so he wasn’t in the best mood..though it was a thousand times better then earlier in the day. I think I’m getting used to all the wonderful things he says so I got to a point of asking for them but it’s much more spontaneous for him. So off to sad empty bed I went. It was so good to see Amanda.. I’ve got to go visit her more.. maybe when my wolf visits I will take him and show off. It was good to talk things out with her and gave me a clear mind set. She’s great. I love her.

Entry for May 18, 2009

Today is a good day.. I seem to be having more and more of these.. I got a few things accomplished at work… haven’t had much sleep but that will come.. just realized I have a 3 day weekend coming up so that’s really nice too…it’s getting hotter then hell here but I am still hoping I’ll live.. we are definately going to be having more strip down naked and sit on the AC vent nights after work.. went to get a sandwich at lunch and was just like ugh…but I’m in a happy place.. I think Louis is.. (even if he never comments on my blog.. hint hint baby) and I think my wolf is…so the future looks bright..

wow…

I didn’t think I could be this happy.. this is me at 7 am after staying up till after 2 with good friends.. lol I can drink.. 7 shots of tequila later.. and I’m fine.. I was sober before I went to bed and no hang over.. I am truly blessed…I love the no hair combed sleep deprived look.. the talk we had last night.. I cant believe how well that went…I can’t believe everything is worked out.. please don’t let things mess up before September.. please let me have my wolf…

a quick add to today’s blog.. I saw this quote on someone’s 360.. I really like it.

Fulton Oursler

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.”

Entry for May 15, 2009

You know that scene in Rocky Horror Picture Show were Tim Curry just drags out the word anticipation…. that’s how I feel.. hanging on the edge of my seat.. leaning forward…holding my breath as I wait for that last syllable…grrrr

Today’s horoscope…

March 21 – April 19

You’re definitely on a path of self-discovery at this time, but you mustn’t try to make things move more quickly than they already are.

NO!!! I want it all now… I don’t want to wait.. I want to work things out and get this settled now!! I want the satisfaction. .the fun.. the enjoyment… waiting for that word to roll off his tongue is driving me up the wall.. I’ve got to get a hold on this or I will slowly drive myself mad over the next four months..unfortunately grumbles from my family member have informed me that we are going to hit the 100 mark within days.. lovely…that will take my mind off things…I’ll be too miserable to think about it.. well I will still think about it.. just too miserable to touch myself….lol.. have a good day…

Entry for May 10, 2009

It’s early.. 130 am.. everyone has gone home and I’m restless.. Louis went to bed.. my wolf is in bed as well.. I feel like I’m pacing around in circles.. a lot to think about tonight. This is who I am. I am comfortable with it. Talked to a few people. processing a lot… it was a good night.. I wasn’t as anxious as I thought I woud be. I just need someone to talk to.. no what I need is my Master or my wolf to talk to. Two sides of the coin.. both valuable to me. Both hold a place in my heart. Pacing around some more….

Entry for May 08, 2009

It’s the early hours.. I should be in bed.. but I’m restless.. today turned out to be a good day.. I feel good about where I am..I’m finding my place…the stars may even be lining up for me… just a happy picture that I like.

Entry for May 07, 2009

I HATE BEING SICK!!! This morning wasn’t so bad.. I felt feverish and did a bunch of stuff around the house trying to burn it off.. I got some stuff done.. and then I was tired all day.. I’ve moved into the stomping my feet crabby phase.. the damn computer wouldn’t work right.. I couldn’t do what I want.. I was restless.. I laided down on the back couch to read for a minute in the afternoon sun.. fell asleep.. but on the wrong side so my leg and shoulder that I don’t sleep on are killing me… can’t talk to my wolf online.. and now I’m in a whiny pouty mood… I HATE BEING SICK!!!